How is it possible to not be stuck when we feel stuck, yeah all the self-help articles say 'just change' easy for them to say!!! But how?
That is where I am stuck in life right now. Feel like I can't go back, and can't move forward. STUCK!!
I know in my heart this is just a microsecond in the universal time period, to me it feels like a lifetime.
Feels like I will be here doing the same thing for the rest of my life! Struggling and struggling to get ahead and if I spend an extra ten dollars it always costs me more. So I gamble!
Nope doesn't help anything, just makes me feel worse. Not at the time but afterward! Kind of like drinking and having a bad hangover. I know it will happen, I know if I don't drink I will not have a hang over, but I would do it anyway.
Same with gambling! I know ultimately I will loose, but do it anyway. Now I need to raise five hundred dollars in a week and have no idea how to do that....
I work at my Ebay items, http://myworld.ebay.com/spovio/ and my
Etsy items https://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012?ref=si_shop hoping I will sell something, but , no, I did not. I work at this blogging thing and it shows no actual benefit for anything. How people make money at it is beyond me. I know gambling is not the answer, and I know it only makes me feel worse after, but for the time I am in the casino I forget how stuck in life I am!!! I forget how hard I struggle to make ends meet. I forget how alone I feel, not lonely cause I can spend eons of time alone. I don't think about anything but the spin of the wheels on the slot machines. And it feels ok in the beginning, But!
When it is time to leave I know I have lost too much and don't know how I will ever replace it. I think about a second job, however, my full time job hours are crazy, and I am not sure anyone would work around them.
I also think part of the gambling habit is just that a habit. I like smoking and not really wanting to quit. Maybe I need to move someplace where there are no casino's. But where in the world is a place where there are no casino's within driving distances?
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Gamble on.............
Hi All! It has been a while since I wrote in this blog. Yes I am still gambling, sorry to say. I have had ups and downs. Right now I am in the down side, and on vacation from my everyday job. Pretty boring, one would think. I actually have been working my line of jewelry on http://www.ebay.com/itm/121104594034
which will take you to one of the necklaces I have listed. Once there look under my name and there is a link to "seller's other items" follow that and it will show all the pieces I have for sale. Feel free to purchase any. Then on my Etsy site https://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 I have eighty items listed for sale. Etsy allows payment by visa and master card which makes it easier to purchase. Ebay needs paypal.
I also have another blog which http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com there are pictures and the links under take you to the sites.
Right now I need the sales so feel free to purchase any of the items. This down side to the gambling has really hurt this time. Of course I have stories. I was desperate and right now have nothing to loose. I worked at my real job on Tuesday and do not usually work on Tuesdays. It is the day I hate working out of the entire week, I know weird but for my entire working life I have always been off on Tuesdays. So it always feels weird even now.
To go on with the story: I went to the casino and with nothing to loose I figured I could not get any worse than I was right then. I was there for a few hours and kept loosing and loosing. Of course I wrote checks to the casino so not only was I overdrawn at the bank from the last trip now I had added more which would cost me thirty-five dollars each when they hit the bank. Thank God for overdraft protection! I cashed one more and said to the cashier when I got the money, 'this is it, I am leaving after this' and I had planned on it. It was getting late and I had to go to work early the next morning.
I have certian machines which I really like and they are either hitting or they are not, usually not. Think I would know the 'usually not' is the statement there. But, no I think I can tempt fate, always with a gambling mind, think I am going to be different and it will hit for me. Yeah Right!!
There is this bank of machines they had just switched and two of my favorite machines are there. I figured what the heck! and sit at one, not wanting to leave because reality will set in and I will have to face how much I lost in the two visits. Sitting there hitting the button playing the minimum amount allowed thinking about how I was going to come up with the money to cover all the checks I wrote and the overdraft charges. I was getting tired and really upset, scared, and all the feelings going along with desperate. I decided to up the bet to two credits a spin. Still not feeling very lucky I just kept hitting the button and wishing, lost in my own thoughts. I think when I get into that zone the building around me could fall down and I would not know, almost like a trance of the machines. Sitting there looking at the machine with my legs up pressing up against the machine. For some reason I like my legs up and rest my arm on my knee while I hit the spin button. Then it happen, the three igloos, which signify a bonus, come up. I got ten free spins. I sat there watching and nothing to speak of on spins one to eight, then on spin nine I was watching and an owl came on the first reel, the four wilds, another owl, then the four wilds, and as I watched in disbelief the last reel, almost like in slow motion, the last owl dropped into place. Yeah!! I had one over six hundred dollars in that one spin. All my money from both days plus alot more. In one spin I won over six hundred! And I wonder why I gamble.......I wonder why anyone gambles. The losses are so high but the chance of the gains are just as high. Of course I cashed the ticket in. Always the safety conscious person I cashed the ticket and went into the belly of the casino again. I always walk around and play some other machines before I walk out with any large win. I am usually alone and do not like to go into the dark parking lot right after I cash a big ticket. Never know how desperate someone is and what they are driven to do. So I play it safe and walk around for awhile. I play a little and wait before I head to the door.
I am not sure if it is the thrill of the spin or the stress of the games. Is it the win or just the symbols lining up on the pay line? Yes the money won is exciting and thrilling specially after loosing and loosing for so long. But to the true gambler is it the money or the lining up of the symbols?
I will leave everyone with that thought.
Is it really the money? Or is it really the winning symbols coming up on the machine? I really do not know. Maybe it is the thought of beating the machine?
Please visit my other sites and help this poor gambler by purchasing some of my jewelry. Feel free to purchase alot and keep me busy so I stay out of the casino.
which will take you to one of the necklaces I have listed. Once there look under my name and there is a link to "seller's other items" follow that and it will show all the pieces I have for sale. Feel free to purchase any. Then on my Etsy site https://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 I have eighty items listed for sale. Etsy allows payment by visa and master card which makes it easier to purchase. Ebay needs paypal.
I also have another blog which http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com there are pictures and the links under take you to the sites.
Right now I need the sales so feel free to purchase any of the items. This down side to the gambling has really hurt this time. Of course I have stories. I was desperate and right now have nothing to loose. I worked at my real job on Tuesday and do not usually work on Tuesdays. It is the day I hate working out of the entire week, I know weird but for my entire working life I have always been off on Tuesdays. So it always feels weird even now.
To go on with the story: I went to the casino and with nothing to loose I figured I could not get any worse than I was right then. I was there for a few hours and kept loosing and loosing. Of course I wrote checks to the casino so not only was I overdrawn at the bank from the last trip now I had added more which would cost me thirty-five dollars each when they hit the bank. Thank God for overdraft protection! I cashed one more and said to the cashier when I got the money, 'this is it, I am leaving after this' and I had planned on it. It was getting late and I had to go to work early the next morning.
I have certian machines which I really like and they are either hitting or they are not, usually not. Think I would know the 'usually not' is the statement there. But, no I think I can tempt fate, always with a gambling mind, think I am going to be different and it will hit for me. Yeah Right!!
There is this bank of machines they had just switched and two of my favorite machines are there. I figured what the heck! and sit at one, not wanting to leave because reality will set in and I will have to face how much I lost in the two visits. Sitting there hitting the button playing the minimum amount allowed thinking about how I was going to come up with the money to cover all the checks I wrote and the overdraft charges. I was getting tired and really upset, scared, and all the feelings going along with desperate. I decided to up the bet to two credits a spin. Still not feeling very lucky I just kept hitting the button and wishing, lost in my own thoughts. I think when I get into that zone the building around me could fall down and I would not know, almost like a trance of the machines. Sitting there looking at the machine with my legs up pressing up against the machine. For some reason I like my legs up and rest my arm on my knee while I hit the spin button. Then it happen, the three igloos, which signify a bonus, come up. I got ten free spins. I sat there watching and nothing to speak of on spins one to eight, then on spin nine I was watching and an owl came on the first reel, the four wilds, another owl, then the four wilds, and as I watched in disbelief the last reel, almost like in slow motion, the last owl dropped into place. Yeah!! I had one over six hundred dollars in that one spin. All my money from both days plus alot more. In one spin I won over six hundred! And I wonder why I gamble.......I wonder why anyone gambles. The losses are so high but the chance of the gains are just as high. Of course I cashed the ticket in. Always the safety conscious person I cashed the ticket and went into the belly of the casino again. I always walk around and play some other machines before I walk out with any large win. I am usually alone and do not like to go into the dark parking lot right after I cash a big ticket. Never know how desperate someone is and what they are driven to do. So I play it safe and walk around for awhile. I play a little and wait before I head to the door.
I am not sure if it is the thrill of the spin or the stress of the games. Is it the win or just the symbols lining up on the pay line? Yes the money won is exciting and thrilling specially after loosing and loosing for so long. But to the true gambler is it the money or the lining up of the symbols?
I will leave everyone with that thought.
Is it really the money? Or is it really the winning symbols coming up on the machine? I really do not know. Maybe it is the thought of beating the machine?
Please visit my other sites and help this poor gambler by purchasing some of my jewelry. Feel free to purchase alot and keep me busy so I stay out of the casino.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Back on the non-gambling trend
I am back! It has been awhile I know. I have started the count again. I am on day 6, not very long but it is a great start. Tomorrow will be one week, and I know I will not go there since I have a meeting all day and have to work early on Wednesday morning. I am not making any promises about the weekend. I have four days off in a row and unless I sell some of my bracelets so I can make more I will probably get antsy. That is when I get into trouble. I sit and think about all the money I need and knowing how fast I can make it at the casino it is difficult to stay home.
I have to remember the last time I went and it cost me way too much in time, money and self respect. I was an idiot and I knew it as I was doing it. I kept swearing that I was going to win so I kept going and getting more money. I was so sure I was going to win it all back, doesn't everyone? Don't we always think we will win it back? Just one more spin, just one more bonus!
I know I am not the only one to think they will win it all back. The casino is full of people who think they are going to hit it big, win it all back never do we think we will leave a loser. But more people leave a loser than a winner.
Every time I go over to Parx I look at that great big horses head they put up this year,and I wonder how much of it I paid for. We all know they can't build additions or larger casinos without the people who loose. Funny how I am very frugal about everything in my life except there. I show at Goodwill and Produce Junction to save. I do not buy anything not on sale. But I will sit and put money into those one-arm-bandits. Why? Is it the entertainment I am paying for? The chance of the big win? Parx really does not offer the opportunity to win that big, the only advantage they have is it is only a twenty minute drive as with going to the 'big' casino's in Atlantic City. For me to drive to AC it is an hour and a half even when I make great time. I like Atlantic City much better. There are better options for machines and the comps are much better. But oh that drive home is very long and I always have trouble staying awake on the drive home.
So maybe I will just stay home until I can fly to Las Vegas to the really big and best casinos?
I can really have more fun.
Until next time Gamble smartly......
I have to remember the last time I went and it cost me way too much in time, money and self respect. I was an idiot and I knew it as I was doing it. I kept swearing that I was going to win so I kept going and getting more money. I was so sure I was going to win it all back, doesn't everyone? Don't we always think we will win it back? Just one more spin, just one more bonus!
I know I am not the only one to think they will win it all back. The casino is full of people who think they are going to hit it big, win it all back never do we think we will leave a loser. But more people leave a loser than a winner.
Every time I go over to Parx I look at that great big horses head they put up this year,and I wonder how much of it I paid for. We all know they can't build additions or larger casinos without the people who loose. Funny how I am very frugal about everything in my life except there. I show at Goodwill and Produce Junction to save. I do not buy anything not on sale. But I will sit and put money into those one-arm-bandits. Why? Is it the entertainment I am paying for? The chance of the big win? Parx really does not offer the opportunity to win that big, the only advantage they have is it is only a twenty minute drive as with going to the 'big' casino's in Atlantic City. For me to drive to AC it is an hour and a half even when I make great time. I like Atlantic City much better. There are better options for machines and the comps are much better. But oh that drive home is very long and I always have trouble staying awake on the drive home.
So maybe I will just stay home until I can fly to Las Vegas to the really big and best casinos?
I can really have more fun.
Until next time Gamble smartly......
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Back again! I still have not started another casino-free period. This last week I went twice. Yeah I know the worse things in my life are tied to the casino! I wish I could somehow make enough money so that I could go there and not worry about loosing one or two hundred dollars. Of course I will work for it but I am not sure how to make the extra income for it. Right now I make bracelets and sell them on eBay at http://www.ebay.com/itm/121045750991 and on the
my Etsy http://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 I really enjoy making them but now I have so many waiting to be sold it almost seems pointless to make anymore. I have to figure another way to market them to a larger audience so there is more exposure.
If I could sell four a day at eight dollars each I could generate over two hundred dollars a week.
there is my gambling money. Oh well all in due time.
My story for today is:
I went to the casino and had thirty dollars and nothing else. Figured the longest I would be there was two hours at the most. BUT no!!! I guess it was a good thing I actually hit on the first machine. It is an 'artic' looking machine, it uses igloos for the bonus rounds and of course you have to land on three of them to start the bonus. There is also the Eskimo who pays the most. The polar bear the second highest pay out. Then there are other pictures like the wolf, the penguin and the ever present kings, queens, jacks, tens, and nines. I think they are on all machines. In addition to the symbols there are the wild card symbol. Well the first high pay I landed on was the polar bears with two wilds, made the payout to be four times the bears. From there it just kept landing on the symbols I finally cashed out the machine at four hundred. I kept three in hundred dollar bills and went to another of my favorite machines. All the way on the other side of the casino. Actually I was on my way to the bathroom and stopped at the open machine it is never available. I never made it to the bathroom until much later it was on a winning streak also. All told I walked away with over nine hundred dollars, not bad starting with thirty.
that is what has started the trend again. Right now I have talked myself out of going all day. I am really tired and have so much stuff to do here I just wanted to stay home and pitter. Hang out with my cats and pretend I am a cat today. It has been fun and relaxing. No people around. No phone calls. Just me and the cats.
I am trying to balance my urge to go to the casino with my need to stay home. When I go to the casino everyone is there for the same reason--The Dream--- We all have a common goal in mind to win by any way possible. I have tried to judge faces of the people leaving when I go in to see if they are sad or happy to see how the machines are paying now. I have noticed on my worst days of loosing the cash machines are full all day so it must be a bad day for anyone to hit a winning combination on any machine. Not that that helps my bank account, just my thought process.
Until next time enjoy those machines.....
my Etsy http://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 I really enjoy making them but now I have so many waiting to be sold it almost seems pointless to make anymore. I have to figure another way to market them to a larger audience so there is more exposure.
If I could sell four a day at eight dollars each I could generate over two hundred dollars a week.
there is my gambling money. Oh well all in due time.
My story for today is:
I went to the casino and had thirty dollars and nothing else. Figured the longest I would be there was two hours at the most. BUT no!!! I guess it was a good thing I actually hit on the first machine. It is an 'artic' looking machine, it uses igloos for the bonus rounds and of course you have to land on three of them to start the bonus. There is also the Eskimo who pays the most. The polar bear the second highest pay out. Then there are other pictures like the wolf, the penguin and the ever present kings, queens, jacks, tens, and nines. I think they are on all machines. In addition to the symbols there are the wild card symbol. Well the first high pay I landed on was the polar bears with two wilds, made the payout to be four times the bears. From there it just kept landing on the symbols I finally cashed out the machine at four hundred. I kept three in hundred dollar bills and went to another of my favorite machines. All the way on the other side of the casino. Actually I was on my way to the bathroom and stopped at the open machine it is never available. I never made it to the bathroom until much later it was on a winning streak also. All told I walked away with over nine hundred dollars, not bad starting with thirty.
that is what has started the trend again. Right now I have talked myself out of going all day. I am really tired and have so much stuff to do here I just wanted to stay home and pitter. Hang out with my cats and pretend I am a cat today. It has been fun and relaxing. No people around. No phone calls. Just me and the cats.
I am trying to balance my urge to go to the casino with my need to stay home. When I go to the casino everyone is there for the same reason--The Dream--- We all have a common goal in mind to win by any way possible. I have tried to judge faces of the people leaving when I go in to see if they are sad or happy to see how the machines are paying now. I have noticed on my worst days of loosing the cash machines are full all day so it must be a bad day for anyone to hit a winning combination on any machine. Not that that helps my bank account, just my thought process.
Until next time enjoy those machines.....
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