I just have to get through tonight and it will be 30 days, thirty days without going to the casino. Some days are harder than others, Saturday was pretty bad. Saturdays there is nothing on TV and to go shopping it is too crowded with the holiday rush out there. I work with the public all week and really don't want to go out in it on my day off. I prefer week days off because everyone else is working and everything is not so crowded.
I made it through Saturday, YEAH!!! It really was pretty easy, and every day gets easier for me. I have alot more time not spending my entire day in the casino. Even when I win I still am sad about the time I spent there. I could do so much more than sit at the slot machine. Ironically, as much as I once enjoyed going and playing the slots, I now resent the time I spent there. Looking back over the past I realize how much it has destroyed everything important in my life. So much so that it became a cycle. An unhealthy one but nevertheless a cycle. I would go there and loose, which made me rationalize going again was to win back the money I lost. The cycle was over and over again every week.
Maybe just maybe I have broken the cycle in me which makes me keep going. I know I can not go there at all. Rationally I know there is a problem, but the wish full thinker in me thinks I will be lucky and win all I have lost back.
How do I win back all the relationships I have destroyed in the process? How do I win back all the lost years? I do not! All I can do is go forward and build again. I hope beyond hope I will be able to keep up this cycle of not going. I can say I enjoy coming home and writing in these blogs. I also have bracelets on eBay at http://www.ebay.com/sch/spovio/m.html?item=121033434270&ssPageName=STRK%3AMESELX%3AIT&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2562 and at Etsy http://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 They keep me busy and actually give me something to do. If I am really lucky I sell a few and have extra money. So 'surf' on over to the two sites and shop a little, purchase something or just look around and leave comments on this blog about the sites.
Have a lucky day and understand gambling is not the answer to anything. Just like any addiction there is no positive end to any of it.
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