Hi All! It has been a while since I wrote in this blog. Yes I am still gambling, sorry to say. I have had ups and downs. Right now I am in the down side, and on vacation from my everyday job. Pretty boring, one would think. I actually have been working my line of jewelry on http://www.ebay.com/itm/121104594034
which will take you to one of the necklaces I have listed. Once there look under my name and there is a link to "seller's other items" follow that and it will show all the pieces I have for sale. Feel free to purchase any. Then on my Etsy site https://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 I have eighty items listed for sale. Etsy allows payment by visa and master card which makes it easier to purchase. Ebay needs paypal.
I also have another blog which http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com there are pictures and the links under take you to the sites.
Right now I need the sales so feel free to purchase any of the items. This down side to the gambling has really hurt this time. Of course I have stories. I was desperate and right now have nothing to loose. I worked at my real job on Tuesday and do not usually work on Tuesdays. It is the day I hate working out of the entire week, I know weird but for my entire working life I have always been off on Tuesdays. So it always feels weird even now.
To go on with the story: I went to the casino and with nothing to loose I figured I could not get any worse than I was right then. I was there for a few hours and kept loosing and loosing. Of course I wrote checks to the casino so not only was I overdrawn at the bank from the last trip now I had added more which would cost me thirty-five dollars each when they hit the bank. Thank God for overdraft protection! I cashed one more and said to the cashier when I got the money, 'this is it, I am leaving after this' and I had planned on it. It was getting late and I had to go to work early the next morning.
I have certian machines which I really like and they are either hitting or they are not, usually not. Think I would know the 'usually not' is the statement there. But, no I think I can tempt fate, always with a gambling mind, think I am going to be different and it will hit for me. Yeah Right!!
There is this bank of machines they had just switched and two of my favorite machines are there. I figured what the heck! and sit at one, not wanting to leave because reality will set in and I will have to face how much I lost in the two visits. Sitting there hitting the button playing the minimum amount allowed thinking about how I was going to come up with the money to cover all the checks I wrote and the overdraft charges. I was getting tired and really upset, scared, and all the feelings going along with desperate. I decided to up the bet to two credits a spin. Still not feeling very lucky I just kept hitting the button and wishing, lost in my own thoughts. I think when I get into that zone the building around me could fall down and I would not know, almost like a trance of the machines. Sitting there looking at the machine with my legs up pressing up against the machine. For some reason I like my legs up and rest my arm on my knee while I hit the spin button. Then it happen, the three igloos, which signify a bonus, come up. I got ten free spins. I sat there watching and nothing to speak of on spins one to eight, then on spin nine I was watching and an owl came on the first reel, the four wilds, another owl, then the four wilds, and as I watched in disbelief the last reel, almost like in slow motion, the last owl dropped into place. Yeah!! I had one over six hundred dollars in that one spin. All my money from both days plus alot more. In one spin I won over six hundred! And I wonder why I gamble.......I wonder why anyone gambles. The losses are so high but the chance of the gains are just as high. Of course I cashed the ticket in. Always the safety conscious person I cashed the ticket and went into the belly of the casino again. I always walk around and play some other machines before I walk out with any large win. I am usually alone and do not like to go into the dark parking lot right after I cash a big ticket. Never know how desperate someone is and what they are driven to do. So I play it safe and walk around for awhile. I play a little and wait before I head to the door.
I am not sure if it is the thrill of the spin or the stress of the games. Is it the win or just the symbols lining up on the pay line? Yes the money won is exciting and thrilling specially after loosing and loosing for so long. But to the true gambler is it the money or the lining up of the symbols?
I will leave everyone with that thought.
Is it really the money? Or is it really the winning symbols coming up on the machine? I really do not know. Maybe it is the thought of beating the machine?
Please visit my other sites and help this poor gambler by purchasing some of my jewelry. Feel free to purchase alot and keep me busy so I stay out of the casino.
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Saturday, December 15, 2012
The counting starts all over again
Yes, I have to start the count all over again. I broke down and went to Parx http://www.parxcasino.com/ on Thursday. I did not actually plan on going there I really wanted to go to ACMoore http://www.acmoore.com/ down the street from the casino. I knew they were having a great sale and since I have been selling my bracelets in my Etsy store http://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 and on my eBay site, which can be accessed by following my other blog at http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com I needed to create a few more bracelets. I wanted to see if I could find some different beads. I also knew that if I even went close to the casino I would go. I had five dollars from them. I told myself I would not take any money out of the bank but, a gambler knows that is impossible. We are always chasing that big win. For anyone who wants to can follow this link to Gambler's Anonymous http://www.gamblersanonymous.org I went to the bank once and lost that! Surprise! Surprise! So at that point I figured as I always do when more money was needed. I went to the bank again and was holding the money close at hand and swore to myself I would not loose it all. I played all my favorite machines and finally hit one for one hundred dollars, not what I lost but at least part of it. I was trying to make it out the door when one of the machines I like opened up and I know they usually hit for something. I slid a twenty dollar bill into the machine, hit a little enough to keep playing. I hit a bonus or two but they did not pay off, only a few coins. Disappointing to say the least. I then decided when the twenty dollars was gone I was going to leave. I hoped I could keep that promise to myself however I also know how hard it is to walk out the door with money when I was so far in the hole. I sat there and kept hitting enough to play with. (Gambling problem follow the link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
This is a bank of four machines all the same type and I have played there before and 'we' the others at the bank always are wishing each other along. It is like being with some friends without having to answer to anyone. We are all after the same thing. To hit the jackpot. We, as new found friends, for the time we are playing, are all rooting for each other. Every time one of us hits the almost impossible three owls which signify the bonus, we wait for the exciting bubbles, coins, or whatever you want to call the little circles that flow up the screen from the bottom to 'say' there is a big payoff in the machine.
To anyone who does not gamble or play the machines, the circles which I call bubbles, flow from the bottom of the screen as the 'music' plays alerts the player to the fact the hit was a good one. When the music is playing and the bubbles are flowing upward we are unable to hit the button and make it go on. The machine is in that mode for a few minutes so anyone walking around can hear and be enticed to risk their money in the hopes they will 'hit' a jackpot. (Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
The bonus, which all of us want to hit, is free spins with a multiplier. The object is to hit the highest pay-out with the multiplier. My new found friends and I would get excited every time someone hit the bonus. As each of us landed on the owls we held our breath as the spins spinned out to see if it landed on the winning combination. As 'luck' has it each of us would land on the bonus and win only a few coins, disappointing! Then my new 'friend' one seat away hit the exciting combo of five owls. Higher payout but no more spins. With the spins she only added two hundred coins to her credit bank, which would be great if the machine was not a simple penny machine making the win two dollars. After all of us hit bonus after bonus paying out only four hundred coins or less we started a contest to see who could hit a bonus with the lowest amount of credits. Well, I was winning that game by far, the highest payout of the bonus I won was less than one hundred-fifty credits. I was feeling a little beat and just like a real looser. I was asking for just two hundred dollars. Just give me two hundred dollars and I was out of there. Of course I bargained with the gambling gods over and over again. I just wanted the money I had lost. Once I hit the two hundred dollars I promised I would be out of there immediately. (Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
I was, in my mind totally serious! I would leave. I kept saying "let me hit the money" I promise I will just get up and walk out the door! I said I would cash the ticket and walk right out the door! A promise both I and the gambling gods knew to probably be untrue for different reasons. One reason is I never, never cash in a ticket and walk out the door, because if the amount is high and I am alone and do not want to be followed. People are desperate and as I am always alone and usually defenseless. As a safety precaution I cash the ticket and walk around some before I walk out the door. The other reason the gambling gods and I both knew I would not leave is because it is almost impossible once money is won the true gambler has to play more on the off chance to hit more. To come home with extra money? But I kept asking the powers to be for the break even money. (Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
Then IT happen! I gave up and started to double the cost of the spin, the strategy of that is to either loose faster or win bigger. I had doubled the spin cost and finally hit the elusive four not three as needed, but four which makes the base win higher, rolled up on the screen. I hit the button to start the bonus round of fifteen spins and the first spin I watched in amazement as the winning combination came up. I looked at the amount of the win and saw three hundred dollars come up. I was excited and knew I had won my money back and some. I actually had won the gambling money I lost plus what I spent at the craft store. I was really happy. Did I leave? Of course not! (Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
I stayed at that machine playing and had that ticket I cashed out in my hand as I put in some of the money I still had when I sat at the machine. The machine was finished and I really knew it but I had to play some more. After the other money was gone I went to cash out the three hundred dollar ticket and knew I would walk around for a few more minutes. I played a few more machines I usually liked to play, I lost almost one hundred dollars of the winnings and was almost angry with my self when I got the urge to go to another machine I really like.
Someone was playing it so I sat next to it and played for a few minutes. The person left and I jumped in their seat. Finally I had my credits up to sixty dollars and the gambling gods won, I cashed the ticket in and went to the car. When I got home I counted the money and came home with the original two hundred dollars I took out of the bank plus another eighty. I was happy with the money, even happier I came home with it, and at the same time really upset I gave in to the demon of the gambling mecca.
(Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
On the way home I was thinking my time had to start all over again, thirty days down the drain. Then I reminded myself of the positive of not going for thirty days and I could do it again. I also patted myself on the back for coming home with money and not loosing it before I left. So now all I can do is start the count all over again... I can and will say all the time, Do Not Start to gamble if there is the slightest bit of addictive personality in you. (Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
I do plan on going to Atlantic City on Christmas eve after I get off work. I know it will kill the time again but I right now I want to go. I may change my mind and just stay home with my cats. I used to like to go on New Year's Eve and be there when the clock strikes midnight, just because. The saying about New Year's eve, 'what you are doing when the clock strikes midnight is what you will be doing all year' intrigues me. Except of all the years I have been there I am loosing on a machine and true to form I usually loose all year. One year I would love to be winning when the clock strikes midnight.
(Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
We will see if I actually go or I choose to stay home and win another way.... Stay tuned...................
This is a bank of four machines all the same type and I have played there before and 'we' the others at the bank always are wishing each other along. It is like being with some friends without having to answer to anyone. We are all after the same thing. To hit the jackpot. We, as new found friends, for the time we are playing, are all rooting for each other. Every time one of us hits the almost impossible three owls which signify the bonus, we wait for the exciting bubbles, coins, or whatever you want to call the little circles that flow up the screen from the bottom to 'say' there is a big payoff in the machine.
To anyone who does not gamble or play the machines, the circles which I call bubbles, flow from the bottom of the screen as the 'music' plays alerts the player to the fact the hit was a good one. When the music is playing and the bubbles are flowing upward we are unable to hit the button and make it go on. The machine is in that mode for a few minutes so anyone walking around can hear and be enticed to risk their money in the hopes they will 'hit' a jackpot. (Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
The bonus, which all of us want to hit, is free spins with a multiplier. The object is to hit the highest pay-out with the multiplier. My new found friends and I would get excited every time someone hit the bonus. As each of us landed on the owls we held our breath as the spins spinned out to see if it landed on the winning combination. As 'luck' has it each of us would land on the bonus and win only a few coins, disappointing! Then my new 'friend' one seat away hit the exciting combo of five owls. Higher payout but no more spins. With the spins she only added two hundred coins to her credit bank, which would be great if the machine was not a simple penny machine making the win two dollars. After all of us hit bonus after bonus paying out only four hundred coins or less we started a contest to see who could hit a bonus with the lowest amount of credits. Well, I was winning that game by far, the highest payout of the bonus I won was less than one hundred-fifty credits. I was feeling a little beat and just like a real looser. I was asking for just two hundred dollars. Just give me two hundred dollars and I was out of there. Of course I bargained with the gambling gods over and over again. I just wanted the money I had lost. Once I hit the two hundred dollars I promised I would be out of there immediately. (Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
I was, in my mind totally serious! I would leave. I kept saying "let me hit the money" I promise I will just get up and walk out the door! I said I would cash the ticket and walk right out the door! A promise both I and the gambling gods knew to probably be untrue for different reasons. One reason is I never, never cash in a ticket and walk out the door, because if the amount is high and I am alone and do not want to be followed. People are desperate and as I am always alone and usually defenseless. As a safety precaution I cash the ticket and walk around some before I walk out the door. The other reason the gambling gods and I both knew I would not leave is because it is almost impossible once money is won the true gambler has to play more on the off chance to hit more. To come home with extra money? But I kept asking the powers to be for the break even money. (Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
Then IT happen! I gave up and started to double the cost of the spin, the strategy of that is to either loose faster or win bigger. I had doubled the spin cost and finally hit the elusive four not three as needed, but four which makes the base win higher, rolled up on the screen. I hit the button to start the bonus round of fifteen spins and the first spin I watched in amazement as the winning combination came up. I looked at the amount of the win and saw three hundred dollars come up. I was excited and knew I had won my money back and some. I actually had won the gambling money I lost plus what I spent at the craft store. I was really happy. Did I leave? Of course not! (Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
I stayed at that machine playing and had that ticket I cashed out in my hand as I put in some of the money I still had when I sat at the machine. The machine was finished and I really knew it but I had to play some more. After the other money was gone I went to cash out the three hundred dollar ticket and knew I would walk around for a few more minutes. I played a few more machines I usually liked to play, I lost almost one hundred dollars of the winnings and was almost angry with my self when I got the urge to go to another machine I really like.
Someone was playing it so I sat next to it and played for a few minutes. The person left and I jumped in their seat. Finally I had my credits up to sixty dollars and the gambling gods won, I cashed the ticket in and went to the car. When I got home I counted the money and came home with the original two hundred dollars I took out of the bank plus another eighty. I was happy with the money, even happier I came home with it, and at the same time really upset I gave in to the demon of the gambling mecca.
(Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
On the way home I was thinking my time had to start all over again, thirty days down the drain. Then I reminded myself of the positive of not going for thirty days and I could do it again. I also patted myself on the back for coming home with money and not loosing it before I left. So now all I can do is start the count all over again... I can and will say all the time, Do Not Start to gamble if there is the slightest bit of addictive personality in you. (Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
I do plan on going to Atlantic City on Christmas eve after I get off work. I know it will kill the time again but I right now I want to go. I may change my mind and just stay home with my cats. I used to like to go on New Year's Eve and be there when the clock strikes midnight, just because. The saying about New Year's eve, 'what you are doing when the clock strikes midnight is what you will be doing all year' intrigues me. Except of all the years I have been there I am loosing on a machine and true to form I usually loose all year. One year I would love to be winning when the clock strikes midnight.
(Gambling problem follow this link http://www.gamblersanonymous.org )
We will see if I actually go or I choose to stay home and win another way.... Stay tuned...................
Monday, December 10, 2012
Tomorrow makes 30 days
I just have to get through tonight and it will be 30 days, thirty days without going to the casino. Some days are harder than others, Saturday was pretty bad. Saturdays there is nothing on TV and to go shopping it is too crowded with the holiday rush out there. I work with the public all week and really don't want to go out in it on my day off. I prefer week days off because everyone else is working and everything is not so crowded.
I made it through Saturday, YEAH!!! It really was pretty easy, and every day gets easier for me. I have alot more time not spending my entire day in the casino. Even when I win I still am sad about the time I spent there. I could do so much more than sit at the slot machine. Ironically, as much as I once enjoyed going and playing the slots, I now resent the time I spent there. Looking back over the past I realize how much it has destroyed everything important in my life. So much so that it became a cycle. An unhealthy one but nevertheless a cycle. I would go there and loose, which made me rationalize going again was to win back the money I lost. The cycle was over and over again every week.
Maybe just maybe I have broken the cycle in me which makes me keep going. I know I can not go there at all. Rationally I know there is a problem, but the wish full thinker in me thinks I will be lucky and win all I have lost back.
How do I win back all the relationships I have destroyed in the process? How do I win back all the lost years? I do not! All I can do is go forward and build again. I hope beyond hope I will be able to keep up this cycle of not going. I can say I enjoy coming home and writing in these blogs. I also have bracelets on eBay at http://www.ebay.com/sch/spovio/m.html?item=121033434270&ssPageName=STRK%3AMESELX%3AIT&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2562 and at Etsy http://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 They keep me busy and actually give me something to do. If I am really lucky I sell a few and have extra money. So 'surf' on over to the two sites and shop a little, purchase something or just look around and leave comments on this blog about the sites.
Have a lucky day and understand gambling is not the answer to anything. Just like any addiction there is no positive end to any of it.
I made it through Saturday, YEAH!!! It really was pretty easy, and every day gets easier for me. I have alot more time not spending my entire day in the casino. Even when I win I still am sad about the time I spent there. I could do so much more than sit at the slot machine. Ironically, as much as I once enjoyed going and playing the slots, I now resent the time I spent there. Looking back over the past I realize how much it has destroyed everything important in my life. So much so that it became a cycle. An unhealthy one but nevertheless a cycle. I would go there and loose, which made me rationalize going again was to win back the money I lost. The cycle was over and over again every week.
Maybe just maybe I have broken the cycle in me which makes me keep going. I know I can not go there at all. Rationally I know there is a problem, but the wish full thinker in me thinks I will be lucky and win all I have lost back.
How do I win back all the relationships I have destroyed in the process? How do I win back all the lost years? I do not! All I can do is go forward and build again. I hope beyond hope I will be able to keep up this cycle of not going. I can say I enjoy coming home and writing in these blogs. I also have bracelets on eBay at http://www.ebay.com/sch/spovio/m.html?item=121033434270&ssPageName=STRK%3AMESELX%3AIT&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2562 and at Etsy http://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 They keep me busy and actually give me something to do. If I am really lucky I sell a few and have extra money. So 'surf' on over to the two sites and shop a little, purchase something or just look around and leave comments on this blog about the sites.
Have a lucky day and understand gambling is not the answer to anything. Just like any addiction there is no positive end to any of it.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
24 Days
Yeah!!!
It has been 24 days since I went to the casino. Which is the longest time span in the past twelve years. How am I doing it? Every time I think about going I look at the time I will spend there and try to do something else I really enjoy.
One of the which is laying on the couch with my cats and watching TV, they enjoy it also. Now, they are used to having me do that they are waiting for me to turn on the TV, soon as I do they are waiting by the couch. Now even if I wanted to do anything else on the couch like read or crochet they don't let me. Funny but I really do not mind. I am just happy I did not waste my time at the casino.
Another of the things I do is make bracelets which are in another of my blogs. Follow the links to see it: suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com I have sold a few and just today I am mailing out "prayer beads" someone bought last night. I really enjoy creating them. The links on the blog are to my eBay listings and are available for purchase there. My products are also on Etsy at: http://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 All purchases are shipped in one day and are 100% returnable (less shipping) if not completely satisfied. I am working on a beading pattern for breaking addictions, they will be something physical to hold and remember why we need to break the pattern and habit of addictions. Sounds odd but I do believe most addictions are a habit. I believe they are a habit which 'we' are able to break, just identify the trigger for the habit, and it can be broken. I think any habit is able to be changed.
For me the trigger to go to the casino is when I am upset, bored, or worried. For the most part it is not about the gambling, which is fun when I am winning, it is more about going some where alone and not feeling odd. I can go there and be around people and not talk to them if I do not want to. When I am not sure of what I wanted to do I would go there and waste the entire day, then rationalize it by saying there is no one to answer to, no one waiting for me at home. Almost like I was feeling sorry for myself! I also went when I felt hopeless and thought it would help, it did not. Sometimes I would go because I did not know what else to do. There were times I would really want to stay home and I would get dressed and go because somewhere in the back of my mind I thought, as ridiculous as it sounds, it was expected of me.
I still want to go at times, however, now I don't want to break this 24 day streak. I think I may drive to Atlantic City and go there, I will say it is not to gamble, and in my mind I believe that. I can say I do enjoy looking at the Christmas decorations the casinos there have. Everything is bigger! Brighter!
Maybe I could go there and just look around at the lights and decorations is what I will tell myself. Of course I will look at them and feel all the Christmas spirit. I will also think back to fifteen years ago when I went there and walked away with nine thousand dollars. I will not look back and see all the times I lost all the money and felt really crappy about myself. I will not remember the total desperation I felt driving home and how was I going to make back the money I had lost! How was I going to get into the bank the money I cashed checks for. All that is remembered is the fun part the winning part, the cash in hand part not the losing part.
And that is how we can break the 'habit' of gambling remember the bad parts. Consciously pull into my mind the bad times. Rationally look at the times I felt disgusted and beat. Look at the awful times and think about how that felt. Then look at how good it will feel when I do not give into the habit, do not make that long drive to beat myself up... I can stay home and lay on the couch with my cats and then beat myself up for doing nothing! HA but that is much cheaper! I will remember how good it feels not to spend the money I do not have on a wish. I will stay home and create new and better bracelets.
I can do this! I will do this! and I will make more money selling my bracelets than winning at the casino in the long run. Maybe, just maybe, I will make enough to go to Las Vegas in April to celebrate my mom's birthday.
That is all for now. Stay tuned and see if I can continue the streak........
It has been 24 days since I went to the casino. Which is the longest time span in the past twelve years. How am I doing it? Every time I think about going I look at the time I will spend there and try to do something else I really enjoy.
One of the which is laying on the couch with my cats and watching TV, they enjoy it also. Now, they are used to having me do that they are waiting for me to turn on the TV, soon as I do they are waiting by the couch. Now even if I wanted to do anything else on the couch like read or crochet they don't let me. Funny but I really do not mind. I am just happy I did not waste my time at the casino.
Another of the things I do is make bracelets which are in another of my blogs. Follow the links to see it: suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com I have sold a few and just today I am mailing out "prayer beads" someone bought last night. I really enjoy creating them. The links on the blog are to my eBay listings and are available for purchase there. My products are also on Etsy at: http://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 All purchases are shipped in one day and are 100% returnable (less shipping) if not completely satisfied. I am working on a beading pattern for breaking addictions, they will be something physical to hold and remember why we need to break the pattern and habit of addictions. Sounds odd but I do believe most addictions are a habit. I believe they are a habit which 'we' are able to break, just identify the trigger for the habit, and it can be broken. I think any habit is able to be changed.
For me the trigger to go to the casino is when I am upset, bored, or worried. For the most part it is not about the gambling, which is fun when I am winning, it is more about going some where alone and not feeling odd. I can go there and be around people and not talk to them if I do not want to. When I am not sure of what I wanted to do I would go there and waste the entire day, then rationalize it by saying there is no one to answer to, no one waiting for me at home. Almost like I was feeling sorry for myself! I also went when I felt hopeless and thought it would help, it did not. Sometimes I would go because I did not know what else to do. There were times I would really want to stay home and I would get dressed and go because somewhere in the back of my mind I thought, as ridiculous as it sounds, it was expected of me.
I still want to go at times, however, now I don't want to break this 24 day streak. I think I may drive to Atlantic City and go there, I will say it is not to gamble, and in my mind I believe that. I can say I do enjoy looking at the Christmas decorations the casinos there have. Everything is bigger! Brighter!
Maybe I could go there and just look around at the lights and decorations is what I will tell myself. Of course I will look at them and feel all the Christmas spirit. I will also think back to fifteen years ago when I went there and walked away with nine thousand dollars. I will not look back and see all the times I lost all the money and felt really crappy about myself. I will not remember the total desperation I felt driving home and how was I going to make back the money I had lost! How was I going to get into the bank the money I cashed checks for. All that is remembered is the fun part the winning part, the cash in hand part not the losing part.
And that is how we can break the 'habit' of gambling remember the bad parts. Consciously pull into my mind the bad times. Rationally look at the times I felt disgusted and beat. Look at the awful times and think about how that felt. Then look at how good it will feel when I do not give into the habit, do not make that long drive to beat myself up... I can stay home and lay on the couch with my cats and then beat myself up for doing nothing! HA but that is much cheaper! I will remember how good it feels not to spend the money I do not have on a wish. I will stay home and create new and better bracelets.
I can do this! I will do this! and I will make more money selling my bracelets than winning at the casino in the long run. Maybe, just maybe, I will make enough to go to Las Vegas in April to celebrate my mom's birthday.
That is all for now. Stay tuned and see if I can continue the streak........
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Through the Holiday
Hello All:
I made it through Thanksgiving day without going to the casino! Yeah! Actually YEAH!!!
I gave myself the goal to not go to the casino on Thanksgiving day just because that is what I always do. Yes, last year and the year before my Mom was still here and we went because it was the holiday and that was the excuse we used. We always found an excuse to go. Funny now I find excuses not to go. Now I will say to myself, just stay home from there today and tomorrow will take care of itself. I play facebook at www.facebook.com which helped. Actually it was much better since I could sit in my pj's and play.
Did not feel as if I lost money I do not have. Almost as bad as loosing the money, is the time I spend there. I cannot go for an hour or two I always say that is what I am going to do but it always ends up being hours and all the wasted time there really makes me feel like crap. To help me stay away now I buy myself a small "present." Last time I bought two pictures for the wall. That helps. I also walk through where I work and look at all the stuff I would like to buy and think if I just stay away for one day I can get the things I really want and have something to show for it. Sounds good and it works. The greatest part is work is crazy with the holidays here and there is not really enough time to spend hours and hours there.
I have struggled with gambling ever since I won the first time and also lost really big the first time. I have been chasing the money for years now. Once you win alot of money, you know it is possible and then continue to chase it until one day you are flat broke and have done things you cannot even admit to yourself. I have lost everything and earned it back so many times it is really hard to look myself in the mirror and think about it. Gambling took over just as any drug can. Doesn't matter what you become addicted to, the addiction takes over and I for one find it hard to escape from. We end up defining ourselves with the addiction and labeling ourselves by it. As with any addiction, eating, smoking, drugs, alcohol, shopping, or gambling we inside our own heads define ourselves as a the addiction. The little tricks our psychological selves say are "I am a smoker", "I am a drug addict" "I am a shopper" or "I am a gambler" and then the idea becomes a fact!
Now I say to myself "I am a writer" " I write blogs for money" " I am wealthy" I have learned so much in the past year. I now deep down in my soul understand the law of attraction. But that is for later. This blog is for anyone who does not understand how we make our own reality.
I am writing about the tricks and steps I use every day to stay away and not feel the utter disgust in myself for spending money I do not have.
So for anyone trying to stay away these little tricks work. Really they do. I have to say if I had the money I would go all the time, but I do not and I have to stay away. It actually feels really good to be able to pay the bills and have no outstanding checks or withdraws on my statement from there. For all the people attempting to stop the madness my few tips on the road to the end come in the form of baby steps. First thing I did was tell myself I would not have any overdrafts in my checking account, no matter what, I would make sure the money was there and not pay the thirty-five dollars they charge for overdrawn checks. I figured I would save that way. It worked! I made it a specific goal one week at a time. Of course I was really broke some weeks, and I timed the check to make sure it would not hit the bank until the money was there which required some fast thinking on my part. Some weeks I held my breath until Friday, but I accomplished it. And for anyone who has floated checks that in itself can be so energy draining, both physically and emotionally. I felt as I had won a war when I made it through the first week of no overdrafts. And I am pleased to say I have not had one since. I use the thirty-five dollars to have lunch a couple times a week at work. Better for me all the way around. I feel better physically because I eat better and psychologically because I do not beat myself up for seven days.
After I accomplished that goal, my next goal was to not have any withdrawn or checks at all for one bank statement. That was the really hard one. One statement is one month. The are four weeks! That is a long time to make a goal for, so I broke it down into weeks again. If there were no withdraws at the casino or I did not write any checks for one week I would reward myself again. Buy something which I saw and wanted. I could always take it back and get my money back unlike the casino once it was gone it was gone. I can say that goal took longer than I thought possible. There are alot of days in week! We think it is only seven but when you are battling or even waiting for something seven days is an eternity to get through. The only thing which helped was I was working different hours than usual, and the TV helped. Some of my favorite shows are back on gave me something to do at night. I was selling my bracelets on ebay which by the way was another way for me to want to come home from work for.
I had to see if the bracelets I believed would help people emotionally deal with cancer were selling. The links are: Breast Cancer www.ebay.com/itm/121024572481 , and another one www.ebay.com/itm/121020455808 .Then I have one for colon cancer, which is how my mom died, www.ebay.com/itm/121024571906 , and many more. I wear one of the bracelets I made everyday to remind myself how wonderful I am without gambling it is green and purple cat's eyes also available on eBay at www.ebay.com/itm/121024565471 , I love it and it reminds me of what I can do with all the time I spent gambling.
Just some of my little tricks which work for me. Everyone has to find their own tricks to help themselves.
As I accomplished the goal of no casino withdraws or checks I felt better about myself and started to define myself differently. I am and always be a gambler, I just choose different and more productive gambling. Like eBay and selling which I might say is a gamble, like trying to make money from blogging which is just a different gamble. Everyday is a gamble. So the moral here is you really do not need to go to the casino, any casino. The redefining of yourself to yourself is the key to breaking the habit. And going to the casino is the habit. I also will say to myself daily what is most important to me? The casino and the day spent there or a day spent laying on my couch with my cats? I have reestablished my priorities to me and now feel much better about myself and am happier not trying to chase the money I have lost, it is gone and all I can do is go on from here. I have 'slipped' now and again, but I just tell myself, it is ok I just have to minimize the losses and go on from this point. I do have to say these little baby steps are working for me. I did not go on Thanksgiving. I stayed home and did nothing. My cats and I watched the shows I DVR'd which I would not have been able to do if I was at the casino all day. I know it would have been all day, because I can't go for an hour or two, I, as with anyone who goes to the casino has to stay until they are broke or they have won so much they could not possibly loose it.
There is help and it comes in very small doses and small affirmations which turn into big ones and suddenly you are where you never thought you would be. Not sitting in the casino for hours at a time wasting the day, yeah you may still waste the day but you did not waste the money too.
To everyone trying to redefine themselves start small. Remember baby steps! Accomplish one goal at a time and do not overwhelm yourself at first. These steps really do work.
While adding the links from my eBay to the above I sold something small but still a small message from the universe that tells me I am on the right track. I am doing what I am supposed to do, when I am supposed to be doing it. For anyone who needs a little guidance I can be reached by email at suep2004@comcast.net. For anyone who has a story of success it can be left in the comments section of this blog, it just might help someone else. Please no negativity. I am only concentrating on the positivity of the solutions.
I made it through Thanksgiving day without going to the casino! Yeah! Actually YEAH!!!
I gave myself the goal to not go to the casino on Thanksgiving day just because that is what I always do. Yes, last year and the year before my Mom was still here and we went because it was the holiday and that was the excuse we used. We always found an excuse to go. Funny now I find excuses not to go. Now I will say to myself, just stay home from there today and tomorrow will take care of itself. I play facebook at www.facebook.com which helped. Actually it was much better since I could sit in my pj's and play.
Did not feel as if I lost money I do not have. Almost as bad as loosing the money, is the time I spend there. I cannot go for an hour or two I always say that is what I am going to do but it always ends up being hours and all the wasted time there really makes me feel like crap. To help me stay away now I buy myself a small "present." Last time I bought two pictures for the wall. That helps. I also walk through where I work and look at all the stuff I would like to buy and think if I just stay away for one day I can get the things I really want and have something to show for it. Sounds good and it works. The greatest part is work is crazy with the holidays here and there is not really enough time to spend hours and hours there.
I have struggled with gambling ever since I won the first time and also lost really big the first time. I have been chasing the money for years now. Once you win alot of money, you know it is possible and then continue to chase it until one day you are flat broke and have done things you cannot even admit to yourself. I have lost everything and earned it back so many times it is really hard to look myself in the mirror and think about it. Gambling took over just as any drug can. Doesn't matter what you become addicted to, the addiction takes over and I for one find it hard to escape from. We end up defining ourselves with the addiction and labeling ourselves by it. As with any addiction, eating, smoking, drugs, alcohol, shopping, or gambling we inside our own heads define ourselves as a the addiction. The little tricks our psychological selves say are "I am a smoker", "I am a drug addict" "I am a shopper" or "I am a gambler" and then the idea becomes a fact!
Now I say to myself "I am a writer" " I write blogs for money" " I am wealthy" I have learned so much in the past year. I now deep down in my soul understand the law of attraction. But that is for later. This blog is for anyone who does not understand how we make our own reality.
I am writing about the tricks and steps I use every day to stay away and not feel the utter disgust in myself for spending money I do not have.
So for anyone trying to stay away these little tricks work. Really they do. I have to say if I had the money I would go all the time, but I do not and I have to stay away. It actually feels really good to be able to pay the bills and have no outstanding checks or withdraws on my statement from there. For all the people attempting to stop the madness my few tips on the road to the end come in the form of baby steps. First thing I did was tell myself I would not have any overdrafts in my checking account, no matter what, I would make sure the money was there and not pay the thirty-five dollars they charge for overdrawn checks. I figured I would save that way. It worked! I made it a specific goal one week at a time. Of course I was really broke some weeks, and I timed the check to make sure it would not hit the bank until the money was there which required some fast thinking on my part. Some weeks I held my breath until Friday, but I accomplished it. And for anyone who has floated checks that in itself can be so energy draining, both physically and emotionally. I felt as I had won a war when I made it through the first week of no overdrafts. And I am pleased to say I have not had one since. I use the thirty-five dollars to have lunch a couple times a week at work. Better for me all the way around. I feel better physically because I eat better and psychologically because I do not beat myself up for seven days.
After I accomplished that goal, my next goal was to not have any withdrawn or checks at all for one bank statement. That was the really hard one. One statement is one month. The are four weeks! That is a long time to make a goal for, so I broke it down into weeks again. If there were no withdraws at the casino or I did not write any checks for one week I would reward myself again. Buy something which I saw and wanted. I could always take it back and get my money back unlike the casino once it was gone it was gone. I can say that goal took longer than I thought possible. There are alot of days in week! We think it is only seven but when you are battling or even waiting for something seven days is an eternity to get through. The only thing which helped was I was working different hours than usual, and the TV helped. Some of my favorite shows are back on gave me something to do at night. I was selling my bracelets on ebay which by the way was another way for me to want to come home from work for.
I had to see if the bracelets I believed would help people emotionally deal with cancer were selling. The links are: Breast Cancer www.ebay.com/itm/121024572481 , and another one www.ebay.com/itm/121020455808 .Then I have one for colon cancer, which is how my mom died, www.ebay.com/itm/121024571906 , and many more. I wear one of the bracelets I made everyday to remind myself how wonderful I am without gambling it is green and purple cat's eyes also available on eBay at www.ebay.com/itm/121024565471 , I love it and it reminds me of what I can do with all the time I spent gambling.
Just some of my little tricks which work for me. Everyone has to find their own tricks to help themselves.
As I accomplished the goal of no casino withdraws or checks I felt better about myself and started to define myself differently. I am and always be a gambler, I just choose different and more productive gambling. Like eBay and selling which I might say is a gamble, like trying to make money from blogging which is just a different gamble. Everyday is a gamble. So the moral here is you really do not need to go to the casino, any casino. The redefining of yourself to yourself is the key to breaking the habit. And going to the casino is the habit. I also will say to myself daily what is most important to me? The casino and the day spent there or a day spent laying on my couch with my cats? I have reestablished my priorities to me and now feel much better about myself and am happier not trying to chase the money I have lost, it is gone and all I can do is go on from here. I have 'slipped' now and again, but I just tell myself, it is ok I just have to minimize the losses and go on from this point. I do have to say these little baby steps are working for me. I did not go on Thanksgiving. I stayed home and did nothing. My cats and I watched the shows I DVR'd which I would not have been able to do if I was at the casino all day. I know it would have been all day, because I can't go for an hour or two, I, as with anyone who goes to the casino has to stay until they are broke or they have won so much they could not possibly loose it.
There is help and it comes in very small doses and small affirmations which turn into big ones and suddenly you are where you never thought you would be. Not sitting in the casino for hours at a time wasting the day, yeah you may still waste the day but you did not waste the money too.
To everyone trying to redefine themselves start small. Remember baby steps! Accomplish one goal at a time and do not overwhelm yourself at first. These steps really do work.
While adding the links from my eBay to the above I sold something small but still a small message from the universe that tells me I am on the right track. I am doing what I am supposed to do, when I am supposed to be doing it. For anyone who needs a little guidance I can be reached by email at suep2004@comcast.net. For anyone who has a story of success it can be left in the comments section of this blog, it just might help someone else. Please no negativity. I am only concentrating on the positivity of the solutions.
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